Never stop dating your husband

Well folks, I have been doing almost no reading lately.  I'm halfheartedly rereading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles and I'm slowly listening to the Harry Potter books.  I'm not reading anything new or anything that hasn't been reviewed a million times on the interwebs, so I don't really want to talk much about books these days.  I'd have much more to say about Netflix than books right now, but we don't need to talk about that either...

Let's talk more about relationships.  I got some nice feedback on the last bit of relationship advice I posted for you, so maybe I'm onto something.  Please know, I am in no way an expert on anything relationship, these are always only my opinions so use your own brain and consider how what I say may fit into your own life before you take any of my advice.  I'm not always good at things like feelings and emotions, but I tend to be fairly practical and that helps and hubs and I have been married for almost 10 years and still like each other.  So here we go:

We change over time; personalities, values, priorities, etc.  What was important to you in your early twenties before kids, is probably not nearly as important in your early thirties with a few youngsters and a career.  I know I am a completely different wife at 32 than I was at 22 and I'll likely be a completely different mother to these twinsies than I was with Princess.  A few things I've learned while raising Princess and experiencing nephews:

• Babies and toddlers aren't nearly as fragile as I had expected.
• The house won't always be clean.
• Accept help from people and let them do things their way.
• Dog treats won't actually hurt your toddler.

Don't judge me, life can be crazy.

Something else I realized is how easy it can be to neglect your marriage when your kids rely on you so much.  It is especially important to spend time on that relationship when it is the easiest one to ignore.  In order to keep your relationship healthy, you must continue to get to know your husband.   Just like we must maintain our relationship with God through prayer, we have to continually have conversations with our husbands.  When we start neglecting rather than nurturing that relationship, the enemy will start to push his way into the gaps that form.

I know, I know, I hear you.  "But April, we are so busy!  Who has time for all that?"  I'm not saying devote huge chunks of time here,  I'm just saying talk to each other.  Ask each other's opinions on matters around the house.  Ask how his day was.  Ask him if there is something you should all do over the weekend. And... wait for it... this is a big one... LISTEN to what he says.  Even if you can only handle about 10 minutes before you go to bed at night, try to have some kind of adult conversation with your husband, preferably about something other than the kiddos.

• What is going on in the news around the world?
• Did you see that funny video so-and-so posted on Facebook today?
• Did you see how pretty our yard is now that the flowers are blooming?

What are some topics you like to talk to your husband about?

Always Fight Fair

Today I would really like to talk about relationships.  This is something I've been thinking about adding to the blog for a while, but have only touched on the subject here and there.  Today I'd like to talk about the rocky times.  About the times when you are grinding on each other's nerves and are maybe fighting more than you should.  Something I've had to learn the hard way over the years is that even when you are fighting with your spouse, you should never take the gloves off and fight dirty.

There are things that you cannot unsay.  When you say mean or hateful things in the heat of the moment, they will linger for much, much longer.  It's a good idea to set up some ground rules in advance for the times when fights happen.  Here are a few things I've learned over the years:

1. Fight in private:  This one should go without saying, but I'm going to say it.  Don't fight and argue in front of your children, your neighbors, your families, anyone.  Table whatever the problem is, go to a private place where you can discuss the issue and don't yell for all the world to hear.  Also, don't get on social media to gripe either openly or vaguely about your issues.  (This should be a general rule in life, not just in your relationship.)  Don't vent to everyone you see.  If you must vent, you need to have that one person you can trust to be open minded and encourage you to fix the issue, not to jump on your side and tell you that you are right all the time.  

2.  Don't use the Dirty D Word:  That's right, Divorce.  God gave you your husband to be your help and companion for the rest of your life.  He didn't plan for you to get a divorce and you shouldn't use is as a threat. Ever.  If you get to a point where either of you are even considering the possibility, you should take a time out.  It you think about it regularly, you probably need to seek out some help. Ask a trusted friend who can be impartial, talk to an elder in your church, seek out a certified counselor, find someone you can talk to to help sort things out and get to a better place.

3.  Don't say things just to hurt one another:  Fights happen because you disagree with one another, this is already a rocky time in your relationship.  Don't say things to intentionally hurt each other, it only makes things worse.  The end goal of any fight should be a compromise on one or both parts, this will not be achieved if you are attacking each other.  Don't bring up old arguments, don't bring up things you consider to be character flaws, stay on point.  Only talk about the issue at hand, this is not a time to hash out everything you perceive to be wrong with your spouse.

4.  It's not about winning:  Think about this, if you always "win" when you fight, that means your husband always "loses".  Now you are married to a loser.  Is this what you really want?  Is this how you really feel about the man you pledged to love until death do you part?  Is this how you want to feel about him?  No.  I didn't think so.  Everyone has to compromise at some point.  Go into these situations looking for a real solution and trying to work together, not trying to win and get things your way all the time.

5.  Encourage each other in the off season:  You can be proactive about fights and arguments.  If you always try to find things you appreciate about each other and you encourage each other in your everyday life, you will be less likely to get to the point of having actual fights.  I'm not saying they will never happen, but if you are constantly trying to see the positive in each other, you are more likely to come to a solution before fights even start.

Remember, your husband is NOT your enemy.  You have to stand united, even when you are in a fight.  If you don't follow the rules and you start disrespecting each other, you open the door up wide for the actual enemy to get his claws into your marriage.  My marriage and my life are definitely not perfect, but I have come a long way.  I have had to learn some of these things the hard way and I hope you can use some of these tips to save yourself some pain and heartache.

What is the best marriage advice you ever received?

Mornings aren't my thing

Hub's alarm went off at 3:45am like so many other Monday mornings.  Difference this week was that I couldn't go back to sleep!  I tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I finally gave up and got up to start my day.  I made breakfast, I moved some laundry around and I even did a couple workout videos!  Very productive morning!

Smoothie and eggs

Smoothie ingredients

I should be eating this healthy and working out everyday anyway, but today I have to tell you about an even more important reason for me to get and stay healthy!

I'm PREGNANT!

WITH TWINS!

Crazy, huh?  

What is the worst pregnancy advice you have ever heard?

Harry Potter and the Major Procrastinator

Remember how I skipped YA when I was young?  Not only did I skip it, but I rolled my eyes at adult who were reading it.  How little did I know when I was a YA!  (This is true is SO many ways, but that is another post.)  My mother has been a fan of Harry Potter since the 90s.  She has been telling me for YEARS that I'm missing out by not reading them and I have been ignoring her or rolling my eyes for years.  She found a way to make me read the first book.  She started the book club.

Mom knows that if she assigns a book to the book club, I will read it.  I forced myself through Eat, Pray, Love even though it took me 3 months to finally finish it.  To date, I have only skipped one book in book club and that was because I was too busy listening to Harry Potter.  That's right folks, I've been won over.  Princess and I are both listening to the books on Audible.  We're both on the 4th book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and looking forward to getting through the whole series.  I likely won't review each book as there are already millions of fans and reviews out there and I'm a little late at this point, but so far I really enjoy the stories.

Since starting this book blog and joining a book club I've gotten way out of my comfort zone with reading and I'm happy to say that it is okay.  I've read LOTS of stuff that I would never have read.  While I didn't enjoy everything out of my comfort zone, I have found lots of gems.  If you are stuck on one genre or in a rut, take a suggestion from someone and actually read the suggestion.  This blog has lots of reviews of things you should read, your local librarian would LOVE to help you find something new and there are book clubs all over the place.  Check out a list on GoodReads or just ask friend.  Read something different, it's good for you!

What book would you recommend I read?  Be patient, I'm only half way through HP!

Because I haven't run away forever

Hello Dear Friends!

Great news!  I have NOT fallen off the earth or been attacked by zombies or gotten lost in the woods.  Sadly, I didn't get my letter to Hogwarts, haven't been to visit Eretz, or been on holiday in Wonderland.  Life has been happening.  You know how it can go sometimes; kids, work, reading books, watching Netflix, life can be busy!  Have no fear, though, I will talk about the things I'm reading and maybe some shows I've been watching and lots of other stuff from life soon.  In the mean time, how about some photos!

Super nephew

Dog treats

Crafty stuff

Silly Princess

The Giver by Lois Lowery

Banned books!  There is probably no surer way of boosting book sales than to get your book banned!  Communities have been trying to ban books for as long as authors have been writing books, and this is very sad to me.  I love all books, even the books that I don't really love.  This year's reading challenge included reading a book that had previously been banned.  Check that one right off my list!

I recently read The Giver by Lois Lowery.  I didn't even realize that I had never read this book or that I should have read it 20 years ago.  My sister read this book, but I must have been too involved with Lestat and Louie to worry myself with this little gem.  My favorite Librarian and I were talking about the public school system and our ideas on how to improve it when she assumed I'd already read this book.  Since I hadn't, I checked it out right away.  Wow!  I really enjoyed this book!  I know it's dark and sad, but it's also smart and hopeful.

Jonas lives in a world where instead of birthdays, each year there is a ceremony for the children more like a graduation.  Each year comes with milestones like receiving their first bicycle and their first coat that buttons in the front.  Each year's promotion is supposed to help bring the children closer to being independent.  At the Ceremony of Twelves children receive their vocation and start career training.  The Elders spend several years observing the children's behavior, temperament and skills so that just the right occupation will be assigned to them.  It's rare that a career path is chosen incorrectly, but there is an appeal process if that happens.

Jonas is given the task of Receiver.  Once his training is complete, he will hold all the memories and emotions for generations of his people.  He will be the wisest member of the community!  Once his eyes are opened, though, Jonas is changed.  Will knowing this past, change Jonas' future?  Maybe the future of the whole community?

Now I don't really want to live in a socialist community were every decision is made for us, whether we like it or not.  I do like the idea of training children in a vocation that fits them rather than using each year to teach a study guide for the end of year test and teaching very little else.  Think!  Maybe some Elder somewhere would have seen that my calling was to be a librarian and not an accountant!  I sure didn't see it, at least not until I was in my 30s and it's sure hard to change career paths at this point.  Meh, it makes me who I am, I guess.  I always have this blog as an outlet to tell everyone about the books I'm reading and I am thankful for all my readers who keep listening to me ramble.

Tell me what you think!  About this book, about life, about all my spelling errors.

I just want to hear from you!

Kind of Kin by Rilla Askew

The Eastern Oklahoma District Library System is hosting an annual event called "Read On Eastern Oklahoma" to encourage and celebrate reading for fun and education.  The book chosen for this year's read is Kind of Kin by Rilla Askew, an Oklahoma author writing about people in Oklahoma.  You know this is one of my favorite kinds of books!

There will be a photo contest themed What I Love About My Community and patrons are invited to submit recipes for  a cookbook titled Kin Cookin'.  Each library has posted a map for patrons to mark where their own kin lives or originates from.  The deadline for the photo contest and recipes is April 1 so if you live in Eastern Oklahoma, I suggest you hurry down to your local library and get involved today!

Whew!  Now that I got all that awesome information out there for you, let's talk about the book!  Our adult book club got some of the first copies so that we could read it and get our friends excited about it, too.  So, friends, I must tell you that I really enjoyed reading this book!  I wasn't sure at first, but then I'm always a little skeptical of book club books for some reason.  Maybe because I didn't enjoy our very first book?  I'm not sure, I've liked everything since then, I should stop being so skeptical.

Inspired by new laws in Oklahoma and Alabama, Kind of Kin is about an Oklahoma family that is impacted very strongly and unexpectedly by immigration and the changing laws that surround it.  Bob Brown is a God-fearing Christian man who is raising his late daughter's son Dustin.  One night he gets a call from a preacher friend asking if a trailer load of illegal Mexican immigrants can stay in his barn just long enough to get the broke-down trailer back on the road.  Since Jesus instructs His people to take care of each other and help those in need, Bob agrees.  When Bob Brown is busted and goes to jail, his other daughter, Sweet, ends up with Dustin and the real trouble starts!

As this story unfolds, Askew reveals the point of view of self-serving lawmakers, a community of people who think they are doing the right thing, and families that are torn apart by this very real issue.  The story is both heart-breaking and hopeful while showing how big political issues effect everyday people in earth-shaking ways.

My final thoughts:  Read it!  It may open your eyes to something new.  It may impact your opinions on major issues in our country.  It may just entertain you for a while.  No matter, I say read it!