Thursday, May 19, 2016

Always Fight Fair

Today I would really like to talk about relationships.  This is something I've been thinking about adding to the blog for a while, but have only touched on the subject here and there.  Today I'd like to talk about the rocky times.  About the times when you are grinding on each other's nerves and are maybe fighting more than you should.  Something I've had to learn the hard way over the years is that even when you are fighting with your spouse, you should never take the gloves off and fight dirty.

There are things that you cannot unsay.  When you say mean or hateful things in the heat of the moment, they will linger for much, much longer.  It's a good idea to set up some ground rules in advance for the times when fights happen.  Here are a few things I've learned over the years:

1. Fight in private:  This one should go without saying, but I'm going to say it.  Don't fight and argue in front of your children, your neighbors, your families, anyone.  Table whatever the problem is, go to a private place where you can discuss the issue and don't yell for all the world to hear.  Also, don't get on social media to gripe either openly or vaguely about your issues.  (This should be a general rule in life, not just in your relationship.)  Don't vent to everyone you see.  If you must vent, you need to have that one person you can trust to be open minded and encourage you to fix the issue, not to jump on your side and tell you that you are right all the time.  

2.  Don't use the Dirty D Word:  That's right, Divorce.  God gave you your husband to be your help and companion for the rest of your life.  He didn't plan for you to get a divorce and you shouldn't use is as a threat. Ever.  If you get to a point where either of you are even considering the possibility, you should take a time out.  It you think about it regularly, you probably need to seek out some help. Ask a trusted friend who can be impartial, talk to an elder in your church, seek out a certified counselor, find someone you can talk to to help sort things out and get to a better place.

3.  Don't say things just to hurt one another:  Fights happen because you disagree with one another, this is already a rocky time in your relationship.  Don't say things to intentionally hurt each other, it only makes things worse.  The end goal of any fight should be a compromise on one or both parts, this will not be achieved if you are attacking each other.  Don't bring up old arguments, don't bring up things you consider to be character flaws, stay on point.  Only talk about the issue at hand, this is not a time to hash out everything you perceive to be wrong with your spouse.

4.  It's not about winning:  Think about this, if you always "win" when you fight, that means your husband always "loses".  Now you are married to a loser.  Is this what you really want?  Is this how you really feel about the man you pledged to love until death do you part?  Is this how you want to feel about him?  No.  I didn't think so.  Everyone has to compromise at some point.  Go into these situations looking for a real solution and trying to work together, not trying to win and get things your way all the time.

5.  Encourage each other in the off season:  You can be proactive about fights and arguments.  If you always try to find things you appreciate about each other and you encourage each other in your everyday life, you will be less likely to get to the point of having actual fights.  I'm not saying they will never happen, but if you are constantly trying to see the positive in each other, you are more likely to come to a solution before fights even start.

Remember, your husband is NOT your enemy.  You have to stand united, even when you are in a fight.  If you don't follow the rules and you start disrespecting each other, you open the door up wide for the actual enemy to get his claws into your marriage.  My marriage and my life are definitely not perfect, but I have come a long way.  I have had to learn some of these things the hard way and I hope you can use some of these tips to save yourself some pain and heartache.

What is the best marriage advice you ever received?

Monday, May 16, 2016

Mornings aren't my thing

Hub's alarm went off at 3:45am like so many other Monday mornings.  Difference this week was that I couldn't go back to sleep!  I tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I finally gave up and got up to start my day.  I made breakfast, I moved some laundry around and I even did a couple workout videos!  Very productive morning!
Smoothie and eggs

Smoothie ingredients

I should be eating this healthy and working out everyday anyway, but today I have to tell you about an even more important reason for me to get and stay healthy!



Crazy, huh?  

What is the worst pregnancy advice you have ever heard?

Friday, May 6, 2016

Harry Potter and the Major Procrastinator

Remember how I skipped YA when I was young?  Not only did I skip it, but I rolled my eyes at adult who were reading it.  How little did I know when I was a YA!  (This is true is SO many ways, but that is another post.)  My mother has been a fan of Harry Potter since the 90s.  She has been telling me for YEARS that I'm missing out by not reading them and I have been ignoring her or rolling my eyes for years.  She found a way to make me read the first book.  She started the book club.

Mom knows that if she assigns a book to the book club, I will read it.  I forced myself through Eat, Pray, Love even though it took me 3 months to finally finish it.  To date, I have only skipped one book in book club and that was because I was too busy listening to Harry Potter.  That's right folks, I've been won over.  Princess and I are both listening to the books on Audible.  We're both on the 4th book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and looking forward to getting through the whole series.  I likely won't review each book as there are already millions of fans and reviews out there and I'm a little late at this point, but so far I really enjoy the stories.

Since starting this book blog and joining a book club I've gotten way out of my comfort zone with reading and I'm happy to say that it is okay.  I've read LOTS of stuff that I would never have read.  While I didn't enjoy everything out of my comfort zone, I have found lots of gems.  If you are stuck on one genre or in a rut, take a suggestion from someone and actually read the suggestion.  This blog has lots of reviews of things you should read, your local librarian would LOVE to help you find something new and there are book clubs all over the place.  Check out a list on GoodReads or just ask friend.  Read something different, it's good for you!

What book would you recommend I read?  Be patient, I'm only half way through HP!

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Because I haven't run away forever

Hello Dear Friends!

Great news!  I have NOT fallen off the earth or been attacked by zombies or gotten lost in the woods.  Sadly, I didn't get my letter to Hogwarts, haven't been to visit Eretz, or been on holiday in Wonderland.  Life has been happening.  You know how it can go sometimes; kids, work, reading books, watching Netflix, life can be busy!  Have no fear, though, I will talk about the things I'm reading and maybe some shows I've been watching and lots of other stuff from life soon.  In the mean time, how about some photos!
Super nephew

Dog treats

Crafty stuff

Silly Princess